Screwed.edu
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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