Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
