She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
