One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
