Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Randomize
