my mouth tastes like poor choices
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
