I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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