I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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