i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
