So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
