i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize