I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
