So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
