I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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