So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
