i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
