he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
