I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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