My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize