is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
