Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
