I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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