It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
