Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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