So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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