Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
