i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
