I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
