I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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