Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I need a burrito and a hug.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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