yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
