i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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