margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
