Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
