Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
