I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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