Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
