I love black thongs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
