just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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