Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
