i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
