There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize