What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
