Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
