i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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