I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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