My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
