You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
