Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
