The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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