You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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