The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
