Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
