You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You dont lie about slip and slides
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
