The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Randomize
