So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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