awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
