The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
