Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i dont even know how to be here
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
