Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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