wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
