i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
