Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
