I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
