I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
