This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
