My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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