I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
