i permit you to call me
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
