everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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