Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
